Fixed.

This morning when I was walking to my car, I slammed my leg into a night stand that I'd recently acquired when my grandmother moved into a new care facility. In the dim garage, I didn't see it and I am not yet familiar enough with it being there to navigate around it instinctively. There's probably a bruise there now. And that's how I started my day.

It's cold again - and this has been a weird winter for weather. It's warmer than it's been past winters, but because it's been unseasonably warm, I don't know what to do with myself when it actually behaves like winter. Gray and flurries and the threat of slick roads.

I worked through lunch. At some point in my day I felt a lot like crying and resisted the urge.

I'm so tired so much of the time. It's a life season thing, I think. And a "UGH WINTER" season thing. Somedays are better than others but there's a dull ache in my left quadriceps that is a reminder today.

-

When I requested clothes for my last StitchFix, I knew my stuff would be arriving right before Christmas. I knew it was the tail end of 2015 and I knew that I wanted to end the year feeling GOOD, feeling pretty, and being excited. When I requested my Fix, I told my stylist about the kind of year 2015 had been (not good) and about my diagnosis (stupid retinas) and that I wanted happy clothes to feel happy about.

My next Fix had a bunch of great clothes. I kept every piece.

I was happy about that.

I came home today to a thick envelope from StitchFix, and in it, a hand written note and a gift card for a local salon and spa - and my heart, oh my heart just cannot believe that they took the time to do this and oh what a difference it makes and how special I feel.

(Part of me - the woman with a nearly two decades long -- oof i'm old -- career in Marketing knows that this kind of gesture is the kind of thing we're always encouraging clients to do: WHY? BECAUSE MAKING SOMEONE FEEL SPECIAL MATTERS.)

I feel like they listened to me. They heard me. They took the time to uplift me.

"Your stylist passed along the news of your recent diagnosis and overall tough year and we wanted to let you know that we are thinking of you. We are so inspired by all tha tyou do and the hard work it takes to care for your family. You are amazing!"

I... still can't believe it. I've read the note so many times and every time I think of someone taking the time to write it and how amazing it is that they reached out to brighten my day.

I'm scared of so much in life. There's so much unknown.

And I try SO HARD every day to not let fear win. Not every day is bad, not every moment is bad - but winter is especially difficult because darkness - so much darkness.

And today, I am tired. There's an ache in my leg. I'm scared. But this unexpected act of generosity has brought a smile to my face and that I can forget for a little while some of the not great stuff.